The Circle of Life

A few days after the New Year, my Uncle Dennis (my mom's brother-in-law) passed away from lung cancer that spread to his brain. For many the loss of an uncle is a sad but distant happening. Not so for my family. I come from a family where we know everyone-cousins, aunts, uncles, second cousins, step-cousins, grandparents, grandparents of cousins-family is family. I am very lucky that both my parents, and both sets of families, make an effort to keep in touch and visit frequently, even though we live halfway across the country from one another. Therefore I count many of these people not just as family, but as friends. My heart aches for my aunt and cousins, because they are some of those people.


I don't want to eulogize my uncle here, mostly because my cousin Keith's speech at the funeral (which I hope to get a copy of and post here) absolutely cannot be topped. I do want to talk about the wonderful, moving, and practical ways family and friends came together to celebrate a much loved man and to help his family in their time of need.

My Aunt June and Uncle Dennis live in a small town called Catlin, IL. The population is about the same as that of my high school. I have to admit, I've made fun of their choice of home more than once. I never will again after what that community did for my family. I want to pass it on, because many of us wonder what we can do to help a family when they experience a loss. Most send flowers or donate to a cause close to the heart of the deceased. If, however, you are wondering if there is something more concrete you can do, here are some of the things that the wonderful people of Catlin did for my aunt and cousins:

• Make homemade food and take it to the house. Funerals mean lots of people staying over who need to be fed. Think about making something and freezing it first, or sending over a gift card for take-out. My aunt received chicken and noodles from 5 different people, though, so you may want to think about some more unconventional comfort foods. The family has pretty much banned chicken and noodles from our diet now.


• If you're dropping off large portions of food, or something like chips and salsa, include Gladware with the food so that leftovers can be portioned out to people not staying at the house. Or, consider simply taking disposable take-out containers to the house.


• Along the same lines, paper and plastic goods (plates, napkins, cups, eating utensils) WILL be used.


• Kleenex and toilet paper ran out like Wii's at Christmastime. It's a practical option that will last way longer than the chicken and noodles.


• Flowers, gifts, and donations all need thank you notes. One very thoughtful person dropped of several sheets of stamps to help in that endeavor. One less thing for the bereaved to think about.

Remember the next time you know someone who experiences a loss that prayers and flowers are appreciated, but the everyday items we take for granted are needed, often forgotten, but help in the process of moving on.