I would like to take a moment to discuss a pressing issue. It's a problem that affects us all and crosses the lines of age, gender, and race. Should this problem be solved, I believe it could lead to an economic regrowth, world peace, and a significant decrease in domestic violence.
"What," say you, the eager reader and peace lover, "what is the key to this happiness you speak of?"
Friends, family, fellow commuters...
Please learn to merge.
The ability to merge is becoming a lost art, and my fellow commuters seem intent to prove this everyday. Ideally, merging onto the highway should be like two sides of a zipper smoothly interlacing so that the zipping motion is seamless, uninterrupted, and swift. It should be so easy that it becomes a non-thought, each piece finding it's perfect fit among its peers.
Instead every morning I witness how little we have actually evolved as morning commuters jockey for position in line. Compare a group of cars merging onto a busy highway to a group of first graders lining up for recess. Ah, how much it says about us grown ups that the first graders do it better. They manage to get into a straight line from total randomness with no slamming brakes, burning tires, middle fingers, or expletives. Granted, their education has not progressed that far yet, but you get the point.
Learn to merge. Learn to find your place in line and hold your tongue ("Goddamn it, it's my effing turn" never got anyone anywhere faster. I know, I've tried it.). Resist the urge to play chicken with the semi that is barreling down the highway at 80 mph. Try your hardest to unglue the front end of your car from the helpless, hopeless driver's rear-end in front of you. Please keep all 10 fingers on the wheel.
And please get out of my way and let me merge.
"What," say you, the eager reader and peace lover, "what is the key to this happiness you speak of?"
Friends, family, fellow commuters...
Please learn to merge.
The ability to merge is becoming a lost art, and my fellow commuters seem intent to prove this everyday. Ideally, merging onto the highway should be like two sides of a zipper smoothly interlacing so that the zipping motion is seamless, uninterrupted, and swift. It should be so easy that it becomes a non-thought, each piece finding it's perfect fit among its peers.
Instead every morning I witness how little we have actually evolved as morning commuters jockey for position in line. Compare a group of cars merging onto a busy highway to a group of first graders lining up for recess. Ah, how much it says about us grown ups that the first graders do it better. They manage to get into a straight line from total randomness with no slamming brakes, burning tires, middle fingers, or expletives. Granted, their education has not progressed that far yet, but you get the point.
Learn to merge. Learn to find your place in line and hold your tongue ("Goddamn it, it's my effing turn" never got anyone anywhere faster. I know, I've tried it.). Resist the urge to play chicken with the semi that is barreling down the highway at 80 mph. Try your hardest to unglue the front end of your car from the helpless, hopeless driver's rear-end in front of you. Please keep all 10 fingers on the wheel.
And please get out of my way and let me merge.
1 comment:
I'll let you merge - it gives me a little more time to finish up that text I'm composing...
while merging...
and eating...
and shifting gears...
:D
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