Happiness is...

...a warm belly to bury a tired head in.

...a Gramma's lap to sit in.

...a friend to learn to crawl with.

...hugs, hugs, and more hugs!

Already?

I can't believe it's been two weeks since I've been on here! A lot is going on (as usual), so here are some of the highlights:

• I'm loving my job at Microsoft! Even though I said I never wanted to sit all day in front of a computer, that's exactly what I'm doing and very much enjoying it. Of course, it's not just data entry or mindless work...my mind is constantly occupied. Which we all know is a very good thing.


• I'm very happily dating a wonderful man named Blake (yes, he's the one I mentioned a little while ago when I said "I met someone."). It's been almost two months, which isn't very long, but when you haven't gone past a first date in almost two years, two months is monumental. Plus, he's amazing in every way possible, and everyday I find out more to adore. I know. Vomit now. We're THAT couple.


• Along the same lines, last week was the 2 year anniversary of D-Day, Independence Day, the day of the big breakup. Last year I celebrated with a few drinks with my mom and a few friends. This year? I ran a 15K and cooked dinner for my boyfriend, and completely forgot about the anniversary. Which, in my book, is a HUGE milestone.


• For the entirety of my life I have bitten my nails. Nothing has worked. Manicures, horrible tasting nail polish, fake nails, promises from people to buy me jewelery, ridicule-I stay true to my stubborn Andoga roots and refuse to curb the appalling habit. Then I started dating someone who likes to kiss my hands, my palms, my wrists...and my fingertips. All of a sudden pretty hands have become priority number one (right next to moving out of my parents' house). So far I have a 60% success rate. And it's kind of bizarre to have nails long enough to feel when I type. They're not super long, they're definitely not pretty, but they're healthy(er), and best of all I'm losing the urge to pick or nibble at them. Yay for personal progress!


• Yeah, did I mention the 15K? Philip and I completed the third of of our four races, the Rockledge Rumble 15K Trail Run. 9.9 miles of hiking trail (unpaved, in some places not even fit for running, and slightly longer than the posted 9.9 miles since, as the race coordinator said, they "just estimated the distances with their best educated guess."). So now we're mere weeks away from running our half marathon. For any local readers who want to come cheer us on, the race is The White Rock Marathon, December 13th. Let me know you're coming so I can keep an eye out for you as I cross the finish line!


• I know, I know, I still haven't posted pictures of my nephew. So if you want to see them, go visit my Facebook page, there's some there.
  

All right, that's it for now! Blogs will be coming more frequently when I have finished my marathon and exited the cocoon phase of my relationship (which, I admit, may be some time). Happy start of the Holidays!

Overwhelmed

Today is one of those days I'll remember forever. I have witnessed and participated in history. When I think of "history", I think the JFK assasination. The first moonwalk. Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech. The bombing of Pearl Harbor. In my lifetime I can remember only two moments that were truly stunning...so stunning that I can remember (even though for the first I was very young) every single detail of those days. The first was the explosion of the Challenger with Krista MacCauliffe on board. The second was 9/11.

And now I have today. The day when America seemingly rose as one and said, "We're scared. We're not sure where we are. We're not sure where we should go. But above all we are hopeful, and we believe that CHANGE is all those things." Today was the day that more people than in the history of our country chose to exercise their right to vote. Today is a day we can and should be proud of.

My cousin Rachel is ridiculously smart, funny, and has summed the history of Obama's election up so well that I can only refer you to her blog. I think she pretty well expresses what our generation is standing for, and it's a generation I am finally proud to count myself one of. Congratulations to us all!

Friendship

Friendship was so easy when we were in high school and college. 99% of our friends were right there all day, every day. So those first 18 years of learning to be a good friend (and yes, there was A LOT of learning, for all of us!), while valuable, just didn't prepare any of us for friendship outside protected walls. I know I can't be the only one who has spent her young adult life learning how to be a long-distance friend, the difference between a friend and an acquaintance, what happens when you get you first REAL boyfriend or girlfriend...and how that affects all the other friendships in your life. We betray our friends in more grown up ways, but we love them more maturely, too. We practice forgiveness, listening, giving advice, holding our tongue-and all without parental supervision. We lose friends for various reasons, good and bad, and we reconnect with some we never valued properly. For many of us, our friends become our family as relatives dwindle or become distant. For all of us, our friends help give us an identity and a place in the world.

I find myself needing a reminder that not all of us have the same learning curve. When we as friends have misunderstandings, shouldn't we take a deep breath and remind ourselves that, "Hey, this is my friend. I know this person." It's not baseball people. We get more than three strikes. Otherwise we would all be alone. Or perfect. So there it is. My friendship lesson for the week. Guess I'm still a pretty good student...or at least attentive :)

The Half Billion Price Tag

On the way to work this morning the DJ's were doing their daily "Sleazy Look At Hollywood" segment, which I of course listen to religiously. The bit that caught my attention was an update on the fourth installment of "The Pirates of the Caribbean" series. Apparently Johnny Depp is not so keen to jump back into Jack Sparrow's eyeliner and dredlocks, but said sure, why not-for $550 million. HA HA HA said the devilish Sparrow on his shoulder, THEY'LL NEVER GIVE IN TO THAT RIDICULOUS DEMAND.

HA HA HA said Disney. HALF A BILLION DOLLARS? YOU GOT IT!

That's right. The world's most favorite pirate will return to the silver screen for the bargain price of $550 million dollars. Which is absolutely ridiculous, of course, but when you're Disney I suppose there is no price tag too high. Just out of curiosity I Googled $550 million dollars to get a better idea of its worth (because I can't even comprehend what I would do with $550 million). Here are some of the results:

• MySpace sold for half a billion dollars in 2006
• So did Facebook.
• It cost $500 million to make Spiderman 3...the ENTIRE movie.
• According to one article, half a billion will buy you 1,500 houses, 83,000 pairs of diamond earrings, 200,000 flatscreen tv's, 23 million toasters, or 179 million Big Macs.
• The Rolling Stones grossed $500 million from their concert tour in 2007...a concert tour that spanned TWO YEARS.
• Aaron Spelling's ENTIRE ESTATE was estimated at half a billion.
• The 2008 presidential nominees raised a combined $500 million in 2007 in campaign funds.
• The four Seminole tribe casinos in Florida bring in a combined half billion each year.
• Grand Theft Auto IV sold $500 million in it's first week.

Who says we're in a recession?! Let's all go work for Disney, since they obviously have moolah to spare. And congratulations, Mr. Depp, I admire the balls it takes to even throw that kind of number out there. Now, if I could only figure out what the taxes on that would be...

How Can I Keep From Singing?

Today was my first Sunday actually singing in the choir at church (I missed the first Sunday because I was visiting my brother's family in Kansas). Of all the good things that have happened over the last month or so, this was sort of the culmination. The service was inspiring, the singing was beautiful, and even though I had to get up at 6 am-that's SIX IN THE MORNING BEFORE THE SUN RISES AND NORMAL HAPPY PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO SEE THAT HOUR OF THE DAY (ahem, I'm not complaining)-to be ready, I felt sunshiney and glowey all day (especially after my nap). I hated the chore of singing in chapel in college, but that's because I was there by demand and not choice. This was not a chore but a joy. I've been given a great deal in my life, not least of which is a second chance at making my life what I want it to be. The least I can do is give a little back. I can't tithe yet (I'm still in the red financially speaking), but I have one thing I can give back to God/the universe/whatever you want to call it and that's my voice. So when we sang this song today, I felt like we were singing the anthem of my life. The recording that follows was sent to me by a fellow choir member. It's from The Prairie Home Companion, and the singer is Martin Sheen-yes, that Martin Sheen. Forward the sound to 82:30 to hear him sing these great lyrics:

How Can I Keep From Singing?
Traditional Shaker Hymn

My life flows on in endless song
Above earth's lamentation,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?

What though the tempest 'round me roars,
I hear the truth it liveth.
But though the darkness 'round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth.

No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing?

When tyrants tremble sick with fear
And hear their death knells ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing?

To prison cell and dungeon vile
Our thoughts to them are winging,
When friends by shame are undefiled
How can I keep from singing?

No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth,
how can I keep from singing?

Update!!!

Oh my goodness, friends, since September life has been an absolute whirlwind! There is so much to catch you up on, so here are my last two months at a glance:

• "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change" opened, ran, and closed in Lewisville to near sold-out audiences. We transferred the show to Garland last weekend for a one-night-only fundraiser and have now retired, at least for the moment. Great show, great cast, great fun-but lots more happening, like...
• Philip and I completed the first two races of our four race commitment, the Addison Oktoberfest 5K and the Lake Joe Pool Pumpkinfest 10K. Philip beat me in both races, by a mere 7 seconds in the first race and a good 4 or 5 minutes in the second. However, I finished 3rd in my age group at the 10K (but Philip keeps reminding me that he "is in a VERY COMPETITIVE AGE GROUP!"). We are now gearing up for our 15K in Grapevine, which is a trail run. That means new training techniques and new shoes. Woo hoo!
• I finally went to Philip's church, Unity Church of Dallas, and loved it! I decided to join the choir, which I have, which led to...
• A new job!!! Last week I hung up my bar key and retired from Chili's to become a full-time employee of...Microsoft. That's right, folks. I work at Microsoft. Technically I'm employed by CompConTech, which is a vendor of Microsoft, but I work in the Microsoft offices in Las Colinas as a Duty Manager (basically I route software problems from the customer service representative to the properly trained engineer). I work 4 day weeks (Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri) from 9am-7pm. So far I love it, and the fact that I get salary, benefits, and PTO is a major part of that.
• I met someone. Infamous last words, right? I met a guy who is funny, charming, smart (he understands my SAT vocabulary!), employed (this becomes surprisingly important as I get older), sweet, and he thinks I'm wonderful. Which was the first wonderful thing about him. Many many wonderful qualities have followed, and I'm hoping that my first instinct (that this guy is the kind of guy-hell, THE guy-I should have been dating all along) continues to be proven right. I'm a little terrified because this guy is so amazing and we click so well that I'm just waiting for the ball to drop...then I remember that if that's all I think about then eventually it will drop. So I concentrate on all the goodness that is happening and, well, let's just say I'm glowing :)
• My nephew Jack (who needs some pictures on here, I know, Alicia! I've been so busy with everything else that I'm constantly playing catchup right now!) is 5 months old. He is wickedly close to crawling, is eating rice cereal and sweet potatoes in addition to the breast milk, and his little personality is absolutely adorable. He laughs from deep in his belly, and a smile is never far from his face (although he hates the car and wails from the second you get him in the car seat. Oh well, no one is perfect.).

That's it in a nutshell. Not a very small nutshell, but you get the picture. Keep an eye out for lots of pictures in the near future, and start looking for me to be in touch, because now I have free time and can't wait to catch up with all my friends who have been sadly abandoned due to my over-loaded schedule. Can't wait to see you all...!

The Commitment

One of my New Year's Resolutions this year was to run a marathon. Well, that was pretty ambitious since I could barely run two miles outside in January. As the year has progressed, I've become more and more determined to do the thing...so I ammended the resolution to a half marathon, and today I finally committed. My friend Philip and I have been encouraging each other to push ourselves physically, and in passing conversation I kept telling him, "I'm going to run the White Rock Half Marathon, you should train with me." In the last two months he seemed to start taking it seriously, we both upped our mileage and our weight loss, and today we registered for four races, culminating in the White Rock Half Marathon. So here goes nothing, friends, there's no turning back now!

PS-I think this is the first New Year's Resolution I've ever even attempted to keep. This could be the start of something really good :)

Sigh

Sigh...what a long day at work. Today it was beyond miserable. I did the work of two managers for $2.00 an hour. My lunch consisted of one chicken finger and a handful of fries-pretty much shoved into my mouth all together while I ran up and down the line in the kitchen traying up food and taking To Go orders. When it was my turn to be busy on the floor, everyone else had completely disappeared. Typical.

Sigh...and sniffle. It's been a terrible day, but mom remembered that I requested spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. So I cry. The shower seems like a good refuge, so I escape for thirty minutes with an audio book and the hot steam. And cry some more. No use keeping it in.

Sigh...relax the vocal chords. Tonight begins tech week for my show, which opens on Friday. A twenty minute warmup begins the healing process. The familiar exercises ease much of the tension I feel. My voice finds its center, and so do I.

Sigh...a breath of relief. Rehearsal goes off without a (major) hitch. All the energy I was putting into being miserable I channel into a focused (more or less) performance. It's not perfect, but it's good, so I'll take it. Plus, I get to spend three hours with very charming, funny, talented people whom I like a great deal. They seem to like me, too, which is always a bonus. I thank my lucky stars that I have such an outlet for my emotions.

Sigh...the day is finally over. One more Monday down. One more miserable day at work over. It occurs to me that for at least a month now my Mondays have been wretched, but the closer I get to Friday the lighter my heart is. I don't like being that way. I miss liking my job. I miss enjoying what I do on a daily basis, rather than counting the hours until I'm free of that prison.

Sigh...and try again tomorrow.

Daddy's Little Girl

I love my father. He's been THE man in my life...for my entire life. He treats me better than any boyfriend I've ever had, which is why I'm still single-he's set the bar pretty high. I've spent most of my life trying to figure out exactly how I feel about my dad for so many reasons...I inherited his personality and drive, which often leads us to clash; I hero-worship him, so every time I feel I've failed myself, I feel I've disappointed him more; I admire and strive to duplicate his successes, but because I also inherited his streak of independence I want to do it on my own in my own way. In many ways I'm the "son" in the family...my brother has my mother's personality through and through. I was always the better student, the more driven sibling, the more outspoken child, the one of whom the family always expected the most. And like the prodigal son I've returned home begging for help and mercy.

Daddy has never tried to make me feel any of this...most of it is of my own creation, a reflection of my own fears and insecurities. In fact, he has never ever put me down. He has only continued to offer help and support in every way he can. When I moved home despondent because I didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, he simply looked at me and said, "Nikki, whatever you do, make sure you do it because it makes you happy. Make sure you are passionate about it. No amount of money can ever replace leading a passionate and happy life." It is the advice I have been trying to follow for the last year.

Tonight my father offered (not for the first time!) to help me find a job in his industry. Not to get it for me, but to be my compass in the search for my new path. This offer, in the past, has been met with protests (some of them quite rude, in retrospect), tears, defenses, and ultimately rejection. Remember, I want to do it my way!

Tonight I accepted. Tonight I begin to understand that being daddy's little girl means that maybe he knows me better than myself sometimes. Maybe it means he has confidence in me. Maybe it means he doesn't necessarily want to control my every move, but maybe-just maybe-he wants to give me a push with the understanding that in the end, only I can make or break the deal. One thing I know-it means he loves me enough to never give up on me.