Daddy's Little Girl

I love my father. He's been THE man in my life...for my entire life. He treats me better than any boyfriend I've ever had, which is why I'm still single-he's set the bar pretty high. I've spent most of my life trying to figure out exactly how I feel about my dad for so many reasons...I inherited his personality and drive, which often leads us to clash; I hero-worship him, so every time I feel I've failed myself, I feel I've disappointed him more; I admire and strive to duplicate his successes, but because I also inherited his streak of independence I want to do it on my own in my own way. In many ways I'm the "son" in the family...my brother has my mother's personality through and through. I was always the better student, the more driven sibling, the more outspoken child, the one of whom the family always expected the most. And like the prodigal son I've returned home begging for help and mercy.

Daddy has never tried to make me feel any of this...most of it is of my own creation, a reflection of my own fears and insecurities. In fact, he has never ever put me down. He has only continued to offer help and support in every way he can. When I moved home despondent because I didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, he simply looked at me and said, "Nikki, whatever you do, make sure you do it because it makes you happy. Make sure you are passionate about it. No amount of money can ever replace leading a passionate and happy life." It is the advice I have been trying to follow for the last year.

Tonight my father offered (not for the first time!) to help me find a job in his industry. Not to get it for me, but to be my compass in the search for my new path. This offer, in the past, has been met with protests (some of them quite rude, in retrospect), tears, defenses, and ultimately rejection. Remember, I want to do it my way!

Tonight I accepted. Tonight I begin to understand that being daddy's little girl means that maybe he knows me better than myself sometimes. Maybe it means he has confidence in me. Maybe it means he doesn't necessarily want to control my every move, but maybe-just maybe-he wants to give me a push with the understanding that in the end, only I can make or break the deal. One thing I know-it means he loves me enough to never give up on me.