Delete

I'm uploading my considerable collection of pictures to an online album, and my largest collection is from my days on tour with Oklahoma! This means a lot of pictures of me with Ben-in Cincinnatti, Key West, Boston, Philadelphia...you get the picture. As I drag the pictures to my photobucket account I find myself deleting Ben. Me and Ben at the New Orleans Aquarium (pre-Katrina, btw)-DELETE. Me and Ben at the Golden Gate Bridge-DELETE. Me and Ben doing anything-DELETE.

I no longer hurt when I look at those pictures. I do not regret my time with him or the experiences I had with him. I am even grateful to him, because had I not loved Ben I could not love Blake as well as I do. I am sad, though, looking at how much of my experience was colored by Ben, by how much I isolated myself with him. When I delete Ben I have to delete Coronado Island, Disney Land, and the Freedom Trail too. There's a whole period of my life-a very important, exciting, and once-in-a-lifetime period-that I allowed to belong to someone else. I have my photos and my memories, but for each picture and each city I can tell you exactly when, where, why, and how Ben and I fought. Even when Ben is not in the picture, I can see him in my smile. I am disappointed in myself that I did not fight to make that experience what it should have been for me-I was too busy trying to make it right for him.

The last year with Blake has been, hands down, the best year of my life. I have no doubt in my mind that I am at last with the man I was meant to grow old with, the man who was meant to be my partner in everything. My relationship with Ben left scars that have mostly healed, although there are days he still rears his head in my heart-mostly because I'm finally seeing the things that I did to contribute to our problems and fights. It's so much easier to think about how he hurt me and how I didn't deserve it than to face the fact that my quick temper and sassy mouth may have hurt him just as bad.

So now I am left with days wishing I could just DELETE Ben all together. Some day my daughter or son will come to me and ask how I knew Blake was "the one", and how do I explain that it's because of Ben? How do I explain that I don't think I would have recognized the gentle, adoring, funny, smart, selfless man who now holds my heart if I had never loved another less worthy? My gratitude and love and sadness are all intermingled, and some days it's next to impossible to untangle them. On good days I recognize that they don't have to be.

The other days I'll just continue to DELETE.

unremarkable

Now that I've taken a break from the X, I can blog about some other things that I've been meaning to for ages. Like Blake's sister, Brooke.

Brooke has a Christian band that performs all over the Dallas area called unremarkable-and they are anything but. Brooke writes all the songs and (for the purposes of this blog) more importantly designs shirts for the band touting their first CD, Angels Exist. Brooke and her husband Albert have the biggest hearts, and they have dedicated a portion of the profits from the shirts to go to a sweet little girl named Zala. Zala has a rare disease that affects her brain and nervous system, causes serious seizures, and requires expensive procedures and equipments that her single mother can't always afford.

So here's the easy and awesome part. Follow this link and this link and take a look at the REALLY cute shirts that will make great Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, or "I really like that t-shirt and I need one for myself now" gifts. They're comfy, cute-and you can feel good about doing a small part to help a deserving little girl.

While you're perusing their website make sure to check out some of their music, and if you want a shirt or CD and don't use PayPal, just let me know and Brooke will help work out something for you. Happy Shopping!!

Xing The X

All good things must come to an end.

In this case, they came to a great end because I finally get to eat potatoes again, which rocks my world. My pursuit for a body worthy of P90X, however, has come to a semi-screeching halt.

So many factors came into play-first the practical. I work 9 AM to 7 PM Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Which meant my choices were A) get up at 5:30 every morning, do the 90 minutes of intense workout then work for 10 hours or B) get up an hour later, do all my daily chores (washing dishes, laundry, etc.), work 10 hours, come home to workout then crash into bed and start all over again. Neither was appealing, and neither was really working. It is very depressing doing nothing but working and working out.

Second-the relationship saver. I was becoming a royal carb-craving, sleep-deprived, chicken-stuffed pain in the rear. Blake has now officially seen every mood swing I could possibly have, and we are now well informed that during pregnancy if I crave something, I should probably have it for the sake and sanity of all involved. Even I didn't like me, I could see the miserable face I was making everytime I passed a french fry joint and it wasn't pretty. If I didn't X the X soon, I think I might have been Xed.

I'm not completely giving up. I finally came to the conclusion that A) I don't necessarily need a 6 pack and 3% body fat to be happy with my body and B) I needed to follow a system that worked for me all the time, not just 90 days. I did enjoy a lot of the workouts, I DID NOT enjoy them after a 10 hour work day. Here's my new plan:

Run at least 2 miles at least 3 days of the work week (M, T, Th, F) before work, and if ambitious, I will do the Ab Ripper X video. Wed and Sat I will continue with some of the videos (I especially liked the Arm and Shoulder video, I'm going to try and work that in a couple more times a week eventually), and on Sundays I'll stretch with Blake. The nice thing about doing the X full out for two weeks is that I've been somewhat detoxed-my belly is already flatter, my clothes are fitting better, and I've learned the value of watching the portions and proportions of what I eat and cook. I'm continuing to follow the basic outlines of the diet, but with much needed carb modifications. I might not be grabbing a Krispy Kreme for breakfast every morning, but I'm definitely going to make potatoes with dinner on occasion.

All this means that now I can concentrate on more important things...like what kind of potatoes I can make for dinner...

Wouldn't You Rather?

Ugh. This week has been so frustrating. The X is literally taking up all of my time. I work 9 AM to 7 PM Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday-which means on those days I come home, pop in the dvd, workout, and don't get to relax until I'm done at 9:30 or 10:00. I hadn't been sleeping that well and finally figured out it's because my adrenaline is going beserk until 11 or 11:30-which makes getting up any earlier than 7 very very difficult (plus, let's face it, I'm not a morning person anyway). Blake keeps telling me that the first two weeks are the hardest. I believe him. I just keep waiting for him to say, I meant the first 2 months were the hardest.

Okay, if I'm going to be really honest...

I hate the diet. Who thought that too much meat would be a bad thing? After two weeks of almost nothing but, I would kill for a Krispy Kreme...or biscuits and gravy...or french fries (ooo, french fries). Every trip to the grocery store is torture. In order to buy my whole wheat bagels I have to walk past the cookies. Low fat cheese is right next to the forbidden cream cheese, and my french vanilla creamer sits on the bottom shelf of my fridge patiently waiting to fulfill it's destiny of turning my morning coffee into creamy latte goodness. Every morning I have to ignore it's pitiful stare as I reach instead for the skim milk. Oh sigh.

No wonder people on a diet are always so cranky.

Every night I drive home, wondering, "Why oh why did I decide to do this?" Every night my reason walks through the door and wraps me in his arms and inspires me to be the best me I can be, in every way possible.

Just don't ask me to choose between him and a Krispy Creme for another 88 days.

The X Day 4 is 90 minutes of Yoga, much of which I had to modify or skip all together seeing as how my legs were still mostly jello. The last 45 minutes is almost all stretching, and the next day it paid off. I was able to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom without groaning, cursing, or clutching on to furniture or walls for support.
Day 5 consisted of Leg and Back exercises, which I also made it through pretty well. I skipped the Ab Ripper video all together this day since I was past the point of exhaustion. All this protein is great for the fat burning, but man the lack of carbs is killing my energy. I dream about bagels and warm rolls with butter and potatoes of every kind at night. Sigh.

Day 6-Kenpo. This was by far the most fun. Kenpo is a little like Tai-Bo, but of course it has a Tony Horton twist. It's a lot of self-defense moves "aerobicized". Though easier that the Plyometrics, it is still NOT for the fainthearted. I made it through pretending alternately that I was either The Bride from Kill Bill or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I ninja'd the crap out of my living room.

AND BREATHE-Day 7, the stretch video!!! Blake and I skipped today all together in favor of a little down time. We spent a good deal of the afternoon cooking meals for the next week together. I've never been much for having a partner in the kitchen, but I loved having him there with me. It made the prep time go by so fast, and it made it seem less like we were cooking healthy meals and more like we were on a date. It helps that I'm head over heels in love with the guy.

In other news, I will be going in for a CAT scan on Wednesday-I've been having weird recurring UTI symptoms and the doctor is pretty sure I have kidney stones, but wants a scan to confirm. There are several other possible diagnoses and of course they want to rule out anything that might be more threatening. More updates on this as I get them =D

OH, and I do have a life outside of P90, and you will get to hear about it tomorrow since the workouts are all the same for the next 3 weeks. And, as I keep promising (even though I have yet to deliver) I WILL be posting pictures. Til then, my friends... :)

Nikki's Chicken Meatballs

A few notes and disclaimers:

I am an "eye-ball it" kind of cook, which means I don't measure a whole lot. The only thing I measured in the recipe below was the chicken (portions are everything on the P90X diet). Feel free to adjust the seasonings according to your taste.

I sauteed my meatballs in fat-free, low-sodium chicken broth since I'm fat restricted (this is a useful tip from the P90X nutrition book), but given the choice I probably would have used a little olive oil instead. However, the chicken broth reduced down to a nice glaze-y sauce that is delicious with the meatballs and kept them from drying out, so just beware of this if you decide to go with a more traditional sauteeing method. These can also be baked, but you probably won't get the crusty golden outside that sauteeing gives.

Ground chicken is not as lean as ground turkey (11 grams per 1 lb. vs 4 or 5 for turkey) so if you are severly fat restricted I suggest substituting the turkey (although the meatballs will be considerably drier). I plan on trying these with ground turkey in the near future. I also plan on trying to make my own ground chicken as it has been impossible for us to find a low-fat, white meat only variety in any of our stores.

Finally, DO NOT add any more salt than I have listed here. The chicken broth, though reduced in sodium, still has a considerable amount and when reduced will become saltier. Trust me on this one!

Nikki's Chicken Meatballs

6 oz. ground chicken

1 small garlic clove (I actually just used half a medium sized clove)

pinch kosher salt

1/2 tsp. smoked paprika

1/2 tsp. thyme

5 grinds pepper (I used McCormick's Tellicherry Pepper Blend)

1/2 cup Fat-Free, Reduced Sodium Chicken Broth

Finely mince the garlic clove, sprinkle with pinch salt. Continue to mince and smoosh (that's my technical term ;) basically just rub the knife over it) until a paste forms. (This step is not necessary but does allow the garlic to completely melt into the meatball so you end up with essence of garlic, not vampire-killer breath). In a bowl mix together the chicken, garlic, and other flavorings.

Heat a medium sautee pan over medium high heat. When a few tablespoons of chicken broth bubble in the pan it is hot enough. Divide the chicken into 4 golfball size balls and place in pan (NOTE: the chicken will be sticky and may not hold the ball shape well, but it will not fall apart in the pan. Once it begins to cook it will firm up and you can shape easier if you care about that kind of stuff.) Sautee meatballs on each side until cooked through (about 15 minutes). You will need to continue to add chicken broth a few tablespoons at a time as the broth reduces and becomes dark. To get maximum browning on the meatballs move them as little as possible and only add enough broth to keep the pan and the drippings from burning. Once the meatballs are cooked through, and the remaining chicken broth and reduce for another five minutes until a glazed sauce forms. Serve.

***I made garlic bread to go with this from a whole wheat English Muffin toasted with 1 teaspoon olive oil (optional), garlic salt, and .5 oz Parmesan cheese. It was delicious.

Exercise and Meatballs CAN Go Together

Day 2 of The X is, if anything, WORSE than Day 1. I was actually kind of excited about this video. It's called Plyometrics, which doesn't sound too threatening, and the opening of the video makes it sound like aerobics kicked up a bit. IT'S A LIE. I barely made it through the warm up-not kidding-and after jumping non-stop for 30 minutes I had to give up. Well, to be fair I didn't so much give up as look down at my shaking thighs and say "Jump, damn it, jump" and they just looked back at me, quivering, and said "Screw you lady."

Day 3 also happens to be my day off work, so I had every intention of getting up early, plunging headfirst into the video, and spending the rest of the day congratulating myself. Ah, well, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. My good intentions went down that proverbial path when I didn't wake up until 9 AM-and was still exhausted. After 3 hours of washing dishes, vacuuming, dusting, laundry, and other household chores I've been putting off, I was starving. Which meant another 2 hours of cooking and dishes (luckily this means I have enough food cooked for the next 3 days =) all portioned out and everything!).

Then I took a nap. Naptime is highly underrated and should be a national past time.

The X Day 3 is Arms and Shoulders-it's all resistance work with either weights or resistance bands. I opted for the bands. Finally a workout I could do and enjoy! I made it all the way through, stopping only a few times to figure out how to do an exercise rather than to catch my breath. I even made it through the 20 minute Ab Ripper video, although I only did half the reps the robots Tony Horton hired for his video did. Still, VICTORY! and a much needed shot of confidence.

I rewarded myself for a productive day with some Wii time. Just me and my Wii. Somedays that's all a girl needs.

My fabulous lunch, by the way, consisted of chicken meatballs and garlic bread-all made from Tony Horton approved foods. Let me tell ya, nothing goes better with a diet than a plateful of meatballs! I'll be posting the recipe for any interested. This is a recipe I'll definitely be using even when the diet is over. Look for updates tomorrow on The X Day 4-Yoga...for 90 minutes. Oh man, I'm already tired....

The X, Day 1

This is not going to be easy.

Day One video is arms, chest, and back. We will achieve aaammaaazing results with an hour's worth of chin-ups and push-ups (nightmare flashbacks to third grade PE...I couldn't even do one chin up then!). I thought the hardest part of all this was going to be the diet...but really, how hard is it to eat lots of chicken and steak? Not as hard as doing push-ups with your feet propped up on the seat of a chair, that's for sure.

I would have been fine if that's where it ended. As Tony Horton congratulated the incredibly buff men and women who spent the last hour doing 10 pushups for every ONE that I did (and making it look easy to boot), I grunted and lifted my poor body off the carpet and into the kitchen for a drink of water. Which is when the second half of the DVD started.

Oh, yeah, small note to all future P90X-ers: Every day of resistance training is followed with 30 minutes of abdominal work.

I cried.

Then I got out my yoga mat and proceeded to do the fanciest crunches and leg lifts known to man (pausing the dvd every 30 seconds to catch my breath), and finally with 7 minutes and 28 seconds left to go my body literally gave out. I couldn't move my head, my arms, my legs-I could barely blink. The only reason I finally moved was because I thought I might actually vomit the 25 pounds of protein I ate during the day*.

*This is a small exaggeration. It was only 15 ounces. But felt like a million.

On the plus side, I slept great. On my bed that I hadn't made yet, wrapped up in dirty sheets and no pillow cases. But who's counting. I'm not, I made it to Day 2 =)

The Challenge

Blake has been on a body image mission for as long as I've known him, and his latest attempt at a Hugh Jackman-like physique is the purchase of the P90X system. For those of you who are not familiar with this, it is an INTENSE workout regime based on the idea of muscle confusion. You work out 6 days a week (with an optional 7th day stretch video) for 90 days. You also follow a strict diet set up to boost your fat burning and muscle building. Then, in 90 days, you look like this:

BEFORE

AFTER

Looks impressive, right? And totally fake. Until you look on YouTube. Just Google P90X testimonials. I did, and that's when I decided to give it a try too.

Blake realized that he wasn't following the diet properly, so after his first 45 days he decided to rest a week and join me when I started (which was today). My girlfriend Courteney at work is also starting with her boyfriend today. We're all nuts, I agree.

On the other hand, I've learned a lot about healthy cooking and planning ahead in the last 72 hours as I prepared for this program, and I thought it would be useful for both me and anyone who reads this to see how it goes. So look here for pics (you WILL NOT be seeing my before pics until I start seeing results), recipes that are good enough for everyday eating (not just when you're dieting!), and useful tricks I find for helping plan meals ahead.

And with any luck you'll get some updates on my life too ;)

Driving Tips

Top Ten Things Other Drivers Do That Result In Me Flipping The Bird, Screaming Obscenities, and Exhibit Other Classic Signs of Road Rage:

(I realize that by posting this I am indeed a hypocrite, but hey, when I do it it's not to me so I don't care as much. And I really do try to avoid these particular annoyances. And I would love to hear any of yours that I've excluded. It could be a whole other blog.)

10. Get in the turn only/exit only lane to pass traffic that has slowed to a stop, then fail to exit or turn but instead come to a screeching halt to re-enter said traffic.

9. Speed up to pass me on the highway, then get back in my lane and go slower than I am.


8. Talk on your phone, TEXT (yes, this includes "only reading" your emails or text messages), put on your makeup, eat a four course meal, or otherwise engage your hands and brain while they are supposed to be driving.


7. Enter the turning lane to make a left hand turn but swerve sharply to the right into MY lane as I pass you because obviously turning left involves first turning right.


6. Drive a Hummer, Escalade, 18-wheeler, or a monster truck.


5. Drive straight down the middle in an apartment parking lot. Then give me a dirty look when I, driving on the right side of the 2 WAY PARKING LOT LANE, attempt to pass you going the opposite direction..


4. Ignore the tollway signs that indicate quite clearly which lanes are Tolltag only and enter that Tolltag only lane without even knowing what a Tolltag is. Then come to a complete stop and REVERSE on the HIGHWAY to get into the correct lane.


*Side note: This is even more fun now that the Tollways are all electronic tolling and they don't accept cash, so you can go in ANY lane and they'll just bill you. Which means now you same people are coming to a complete stop in the tollbooth to read the sign that says "Do not stop, Keep moving. We will bill you."


3. Drive your motorcycle between lanes in traffic at (minimum) 90 mph.


2. Stop to see what happened at an accident site. On the other side of the road.

1. Fail to check your blind spot OR turn on your blinker before attempting to enter my lane, then react to my honking horn with yelling, horn honking, fist pumping, and absolutely nothing resembling an apology on your face.

That's all. Thank you for listening. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

It's About Time...

...and lately I haven't had any. Change seems to come so quickly, it can be quite painful when it is making it's mark, and then just as swiftly it disappears leaving you breathless in its wake. That's what this year has been about. Change.



The first big change was Blake, who is amazing, still in my life, and a big part of all the changes that have been taking up so much of my time. But you already knew that ;)



The next big change was my job at Microsoft, which is amazing, still in my life, and an even bigger part of all the changes in the last few months.



The BIG change was the official moving out.



I'M OUT!!!!



May 1st I moved into an adorable 1 bedroom plus den apartment in a nice area (it's definitely diverse-and I'm definitely the minority-but totally safe). Philip, Blake, my mother, father, Aunt June, Blake's parents Pat and Kathy, and my cousin Steven all very bravely helped me move my storage unit contents from Flower Mound to Dallas, then proceeded to help me unpack the majority of them. Kathy and Aunt June handwashed every dish I had, Dad determinedly hung my new flat screen tv over my fireplace, Mom helped me sort out everything (including some bad memories of Ben) and pack them away to the storage unit for donation, and Blake and Pat ran all over town getting things that we needed but forgot (everything from coaxial cable to flashlights to pizza-we had to eat sometime).



Luckily the rain held off until after everything had been unpacked from the car, and by 8 pm that night my apartment was almost fully furnished and about 75% unpacked. The only problem was that nothing was actually put away yet. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but turns out I had less than two weeks to get my apartment fully unpacked, put away, and liveable, because I got cast as Maria in the Sound of Music for Garland Summer Musicals.



Which is DEFINITELY a whole other blog.



So I guess that's part one of "Where's Nikki". I hope I get to host many happy get togethers in the next 10 months...after which I will be moving in with Blake =) Again, another blog. I'm ready for wine, friends, and laughter to fill my living room...so let me know if and when you're ready to join me. Till then...

Coming Home

I know it's been months since I've been on here. There is so much I need to catch up on-but right now I just ordered a pizza, opened a bottle of Chardonnay, and sat down in my favorite chair in my new apartment. Candles are lit, Food Network is on, and I can finally, after months-even years-take a deep breath and say...

I'm home. =)

Playing House

It has been some time since I've updated, and since I finally have a free Saturday morning I thought I would catch you all up on my comings and goings.

I still love my job, especially the whole getting paid more than minimum wage part. In fact, because of that paycheck, I'M MOVING OUT!!! I am currently in the process of looking for apartments. I want to be near Blake, and fortunately he also lives near some of my closest friends (Philip, Lindsay and Sean, and Vanessa-if and when she moves out). Turns out it's a lot faster to drive to work on the George Bush tollway than it is from my parents house. And I'll be really close to one of my favorite places in the whole world, Central Market (which, aside from having incredibly fresh produce and a meat lover's heaven of a butcher section, also has the best smelling bathrooms in Dallas-weird, but true). So that's where a lot of my time and energy has been spent-focusing on the move out that I (and my parents) have been hoping and dreaming for for 2 years.

I've also been perfoming at church, going to friends' shows around town, celebrating my birthday, trying to visit with my nephew, celebrating Valentine's Day with Blake...busy busy busy as usual.

Speaking of Blake, we've spent the last week playing house. I think he would love it if I moved in for real, but I really need some time of my own before I do that and he gets it. He is amazing. But back to playing house. He invited me to stay with him for the last few months until I move out. To which I was like, oh goodness, I just don't know...I would feel so in the way. So (because he's amazing) he said, well, then move in for a week. If you like it, stay another week. You can always go home whenever you want. (Have I mentioned he's amazing?) So I spent last week with him. And it was wonderful. So I'm staying another week. And probably another. I'm hopeless. And silly. And completely in love. It's kind of sick.

There's my quick update. I'm going to go enjoy my Saturday morning, and with any luck I'll be back on here sooner than later. =)

Post Script

Blogger is not saving "enter" when I hit the enter button, so until I figure it out we will just have to be patient and read my entries without spaces between paragraphs or thoughts. Which ticks me off, because it completely throws off the rythym of the eye and the thought as you read, and I put a lot of thought into those spaces, but oh well, if Blogger thinks it knows better...

The Reserves

WARNING WARNING WARNING

GAG ALERT

GAG ALERT

*This blog is not for the faint hearted, pessimistic, lonely, or anti-romantic!

Secretly (okay, well maybe NOT so secretly) I am an utter whore for romance. Not the scheduled-within-an-inch-of-your-life kind of romance, but the kind that happens spontaneously when two people are completely in love and say things that in a normal sane world would not only be laughable but absolutely ridiculous.

Here's where you might want to stop reading if you have a sensitive gag reflex.

I am SO in love, and I happen to be in love with a man who is smart, witty, charming, opens doors, talks like a romance novel, and does whatever he can to give me the world. I have gone from a lonely realist to a big pile of lovey-dovey mush. I don't know what it is exactly that I do that makes him so happy, but he makes me feel like freakin' Miss America on a daily basis. I just know that I am living every romantic fantasy I ever dreamed up.

(Done puking yet?)

FOR EXAMPLE...

Last night as we were cuddling Blake kissed each of my fingers and then the palm of my hand-something he does frequently that I absolutely love. As he finished he looked up at me and said, "You know what those are called, right?" I racked my brain, thinking, "Should I?" I said, looking all cute and confused, "No, what are they?"

Blake: "They're reserves."

Me: "Reserves?"

Blake: "Yeah, you know, reserves. For when we can't be together. They're reserve kisses so you

won't miss me so much."

Me: "...................."*

*"................" is a little known technical symbol for girl unable to speak due to an overexcess of happiness.

And now you may proceed with the gagging, vomiting, and eye rolling usually induced by such romantic notions.

I will be over here with my reserves.

Busy Bee

Well, as you can see my blog is once again unformatted. That's because I'm finally trying to figure out this whole create my own format thing out. Again. There's this great site called The Cutest Blog on the Block, and they have awesome tips, hints, and tutorials for just this kind of thing. Using one of those tutorials I was able to create the cute signature at the bottom of my posts-after 6 hours of trial and error. I'm using paint.net, and it's not quite as self-explanatory as I imagine Photoshop would be. Which is why my signature is a little on the simple side. But hey, I did it all by myself. Hmmmm, I wonder how long it will take me to create my own background...

Ode to Wine

"Bottle of red, bottle of white, all depends on your mood tonight..."

Anyone else feel the need for a nice bottle of Pinot Noir or Merlot, some good music, and absolutely NO interruptions? There is nothing more I love than to put on some comfy clothes, decant a Cabernet, and put my feet up while I get drunk on Norah Jones and Billy Joel. Well, the wine helps, too.

"Red red wine, stay close to me..."

I love my parents for letting me live with them while I sort out my life, but now it's pretty well sorted and I'm so impatient to move out. It's impossible to kick back and relax when the tv below is blaring and your dad wants to know if the laundry in the dryer is yours and your mom is answering the phone that's ringing off the hook. It's not their fault. They're living their lives and I'm a little bit of an interruption. But even when they're gone...

"The days of wine and roses, and you..."

It's not my home. It's not my kitchen, my living room, my furniture, my wine glasses, my window with my view. I just feel so temporary, and it's hard to relax when you feel like an intruder in your own life. It's especially hard when those evenings of wine and music are so few and far between...

"Bring me wine, and make the music mine..."

Now that's not to say I don't enjoy a glass of wine or two in my bedroom as I wind down for bed. It's just not my bed, not really, and while it's my room, it's just not the same. So (long dramatic sigh) I just have to be patient for a few more loooooong months to find that little corner of the world where I will so happily inhabit and imbibe that oft sung of spirit.

The Do-It-Yourself Life

Okay, I admit it. I (much like my friend Lauren) blogstalk. I will click on friend's of friend's of friend's blogs...to see if they're interesting, if they have any good stories or tips, and if their blog looks better than mine. (The answer is usually yes.) As I stalk, I've noticed A LOT of sites dedicated specifically to tips: tips on cooking, on raising children, on crafting. My friend Alicia has one (the link is on the side---->) that is wonderful, full of great crafting, cooking, and quilting tips. She has links to all sorts of wonderful websites that inspire her creatively. I love all of them.

And I almost never get to use the tips.

Why? Because I'm single (well, dating with no intention of ever giving him up, but not married or living together), I don't have kids (my nephew is too young and too far away for most of the fun things I'd like to do with him right now), and I work 40 hours a week. I have hobbies and friends that keep me away from my home a lot. Does that mean I can't have a wonderful, crafty, home-cooked life too? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I know many many people like me who live a less than domestic lifestyle, and I think that there should be a place for those people, too. So I created The Do-It-Yourself Life blog. There you can read about how I lost 30 pounds and keep it off (even though I sit on my butt 10 hours a day). You can see how I have homecooked meals EVERY SINGLE DAY at that 10 hour job. You can read about my "crafts" (oh, god, don't think it's gonna be anything special, because I get cuts on my fingers just looking at scissors). Most of all, you can read about what NOT to do, because I pretty much specialize in that (see Cookie Day for more details). Really, I think you'll find it both amusing and helpful. If not, well, I never liked you anyway.

Please note: the blog is under construction. It will look much prettier when I figure out the whole blog layout thing. The Cutest Blog on the Block has great tips for that, but their server keeps crashing, so I have to wait for them to get it back up before I figure it out. Trust me, you'll hear all about it....

The Circle of Life

A few days after the New Year, my Uncle Dennis (my mom's brother-in-law) passed away from lung cancer that spread to his brain. For many the loss of an uncle is a sad but distant happening. Not so for my family. I come from a family where we know everyone-cousins, aunts, uncles, second cousins, step-cousins, grandparents, grandparents of cousins-family is family. I am very lucky that both my parents, and both sets of families, make an effort to keep in touch and visit frequently, even though we live halfway across the country from one another. Therefore I count many of these people not just as family, but as friends. My heart aches for my aunt and cousins, because they are some of those people.


I don't want to eulogize my uncle here, mostly because my cousin Keith's speech at the funeral (which I hope to get a copy of and post here) absolutely cannot be topped. I do want to talk about the wonderful, moving, and practical ways family and friends came together to celebrate a much loved man and to help his family in their time of need.

My Aunt June and Uncle Dennis live in a small town called Catlin, IL. The population is about the same as that of my high school. I have to admit, I've made fun of their choice of home more than once. I never will again after what that community did for my family. I want to pass it on, because many of us wonder what we can do to help a family when they experience a loss. Most send flowers or donate to a cause close to the heart of the deceased. If, however, you are wondering if there is something more concrete you can do, here are some of the things that the wonderful people of Catlin did for my aunt and cousins:

• Make homemade food and take it to the house. Funerals mean lots of people staying over who need to be fed. Think about making something and freezing it first, or sending over a gift card for take-out. My aunt received chicken and noodles from 5 different people, though, so you may want to think about some more unconventional comfort foods. The family has pretty much banned chicken and noodles from our diet now.


• If you're dropping off large portions of food, or something like chips and salsa, include Gladware with the food so that leftovers can be portioned out to people not staying at the house. Or, consider simply taking disposable take-out containers to the house.


• Along the same lines, paper and plastic goods (plates, napkins, cups, eating utensils) WILL be used.


• Kleenex and toilet paper ran out like Wii's at Christmastime. It's a practical option that will last way longer than the chicken and noodles.


• Flowers, gifts, and donations all need thank you notes. One very thoughtful person dropped of several sheets of stamps to help in that endeavor. One less thing for the bereaved to think about.

Remember the next time you know someone who experiences a loss that prayers and flowers are appreciated, but the everyday items we take for granted are needed, often forgotten, but help in the process of moving on.