I've had a very long week, considering that I've mainly laid around the house with an infected lymph gland. I ended up looking like the elephant man for the majority of the week, then the first day I could open my jaw up wide enough to eat solid food I had to go back to work. My first thought was-God, is this real life? Four days of complete, pain-killer induced, parentally overseen rest then back to the grind? And no one is giving me a medal? What kind of world do we live in?
Perhaps I'm bitter because I worked two doubles in a row. In real-life-speak that means I worked two days of back to back shifts. Saturday was an 11 hour day with only a 25 minute break-all on my feet. No sitting, one meal, and an overabundance of barely legal co-workers. (It really wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be, but I'm just totally over not having someone to come home to that says, "Honey, it must have been a hard day. You deserve a hug." Which of course would be followed by a hug.)
The last few months have really given me a lot to think about. I've celebrated (in a mild fashion) several important anniversaries. January 28: a year since I've moved home. February 6: a year since I've talked to Ben. March-ish: a year since I totaled my car and got the new one. May 21: a year working at Chili's. It feels like all the things that happened with Ben were so very long ago, but they are still so within reach. It's been a year. ONLY a year. I am constantly riding myself for not "getting over it", but jeez, I gotta give myself a little credit here. I know I have a long way to go before I am fully healed (and believe me, that is hard to admit because I want to just delete a lot of my memories and reboot), but for where I was a year ago, I'm doing pretty damn good. I thought I could come home and everything would just fix itself. I figured by now I would be, well, perfect. I'm not. And it was ridiculous to think that I would be. It's a fine line to ride-understanding how far you've come and how far you've yet to go.
Part of the healing process has simply been keeping busy. I started performing again, which for me was huge. I started making friends, working full time (after a fashion), going out, working out-creating a life of my own again. Part of that life needs to be balance. And balance includes working out my emotions over what happened with Ben, why it happened, and allowing myself to become okay with it all. Not just SAYING I'm okay, but really being okay. I have a tendency to simply overwhelm my life with distractions so that I don't have to think about what's really bothering me. Well, stuff still bothers me. You know what? It's all right. Cuz it's midnight. And I've got two more bottles of wine.
Review: Gaia Pinot Noir Rosé
3 days ago
2 comments:
This is unrelated to your post but I thought I might give you a header tip.
I am a total novice which means that I mostly build my headers in PowerPoint. I make it look how I like it and then I highlight all of what I have created, right click control and save as a picture/graphic. Uncheck the box that says save as individual pictures/graphics. I save it to my desktop and then go to my blog and to customize. There is an option to add an image from your computer. Browse and find it and add it.
Hope this helps! There is probably an easier way- I just fig'd this out on my own. Truly, I'm no expert. Good luck!
I think you have come incredibly far and you canNOT beat yourself up for anything that has happened in the past; afterall, those things are what mold you into the strong, brilliant woman you are! I am very proud of all your accomplishments in the past year and some-odd months! WAY TO GO NIKKI!!!! :)
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